Pick Your Battles

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Sorry I've been a bit absent recently. We've been slammed at work (which is great by the way) and I've closed every night this week. When I come home, I hug and kiss my hubby, eat dinner, watch a little TV and call it a night. I wake up, work out and head to work. I love it! It's been a great and busy week!

By the way, I love working retail! It's so fun!

Anyhoo....

The other night, I had the best conversation with my sweet friend, Molly A. We have been buds since the Kanakuk days and I love her with all of my heart and soul! We often play really terrible games of phone tag, but when we get to talk, we dig deep and have wonderful, intentional conversation. She always asks me questions about marriage and what I've learned and what I love and what is difficult about being married. All great questions. One of the things we talked a long time about is this: "What have you learned the most about being married?"

That's an unbelievably easy question for me to answer, because I've thought about it a lot. My answer? "PICK. YOUR. BATTLES!"

(By the way...this applies to me and Jamie. This is what I have learned from my 2+ years of marriage. May not apply to you, but this is what I got.)

Jamie and I have learned to let go of the silly things that typically bug us because we realized they didn't matter.

For example: when we first got married, I got mad at Jamie for the dumbest thing in the world! Side note: I've always been really picky and intolerant of things that do not go my way. If you smack your food, I automatically had a negative feeling toward you. If you walk a certain way, you bug me. If you said certain words wrong, that would irritate me. If you did your hair a certain way that I didn't like, I'd have issues with it. I just had lots of "rules" as my family would remind me :)

Well, Jamie broke a HUGE rule that I had. He would use my shampoo, but not my conditioner. You know what that means? It means that the shampoo vs. conditioner levels were uneven. *GASP!* I know, right? That's terrible! Believe it or not, I threw a fit and wanted him to change. He thought I was ridiculous (which I was)....so over time. I let it go.

Did you hear me?

I let. it. go.

Another thing that I could care less about is what he wears. If you know my beloved, then you know that he wears silly things from time to time. Jorts and a tank top and boots and a trucker hat to go fishing. A brown polyester suit to wear on Easter Sunday. "Skater" shoes. Silly Goodwill shirts. Those are things that bug other people. You know how I know that? Because people have said to me, "Abby, do you not care what he wears?" Are you jockin' me?! No! I don't! Because his attire is not a battle that is worth fighting!

Look how cute he is:

(this was taken when we were dating...with our turtle)

Clothes, shampoo/conditioner levels, how we load the dishwasher, laundry...those are not things that I am willing to get in a fight about [again]. It's silly. Now, that's not to say that we don't have a disagreement from time to time, because we do. But we have both learned to let things go more often than not, because we realized some things are simply not worth fighting about and having a silent evening over. Ya know what I'm saying?

To my friends who are either newly married or engaged or seriously dating, I encourage you to stop and think before you get angry with your significant other. If you are annoyed or angry or frustrated, think about these things:

*How important is it for me to win this fight/debate/argument/etc?

*How much does this really matter to me in the end?

*Will pursuing an argument really solve anything?

*Why do I feel this way?

*Is it worth it in the end?

There are still things that Jamie does that irk me and I know that I annoy or frustrate him to the moon and back, but we have learned to pick our battles with each other. Because when it is time to really stand your ground and oppose something your spouse/fiance does, your say is a lot stronger. If you're continually naggy, then you don't have a lot of credibility. But if you pick your battles, then your significant other will be more likely to listen and to work with you on what the problem is.

Those are my two cents for the day and I hope it helps. Feel free to add on to any discussion if you'd like :) I'd love to hear what works for you and your marriage/relationship!

I love you guys and promise to get better at posting what's going on in my life (because I know you're all dying to know!...yeah right). Hope you've had a lovely week and I'll talk to you in the morning!