But part of getting to know new people is that you introduce yourself and talk about yourself, and you learn about the others as well. They wore job titles like financial analysts, private wealth advisors, bankers, and so on. When it came to my turn to say what I do for a living, this was my response:
"I'm just a mama."
When I would respond, it was as if I physically shrugged my shoulders and was embarrassed. I almost wanted to skip my turn and go to the next girl, because for whatever reason, being "just a mama" wasn't good enough in my eyes.
Almost instantly, the devil began filling my mind with lies.
You're not good enough.
Moms don't do anything.
How do you contribute to your family?
Your house isn't as nice as everyone else's.
Shouldn't you be working?
Lucy doesn't need you.
You should be doing more with your life.
Do more.
Lies. Lies. Lies.
For the past few days, I've been fighting those lies. Thankfully, I'm well aware that those thoughts are strictly from the devil himself and that I have no business giving him any power. But he has this evil and personal way to really dig deep into one's insecurities. And that's exactly what's been happening with me. I've battled a myriad of insecurities my whole life and he knew precisely how to get me this time.
I had to remind myself that when I was a teacher and working retail, as much as I liked both jobs, I was not fulfilled. I vividly remember Jamie coming home from work one day shortly after Lucy was born. I was holding her and I looked up at him and said, "This is what I'm supposed to be doing. I finally feel like I'm fulfilling my calling in life. Being a mama is what I'm actually good at. I love my job."
That last sentence I definitely remember saying.
I. love. my. job.
And I do!
You know what I do on a a day to day basis as "just a mama"?
I get to be the first one every day to go in and greet my baby girl. I get to come up with different breakfasts, lunches and dinners to make sure she is getting a healthy and balanced meal each day. I get to read to her a plethora of books throughout the day. Some of them over and over again. Brown bear brown bear what do you see?... I get to take her to the park and teach her how to go down a slide. I get to teach her about Jesus and have daily Bible studies (albeit quick and simple). I get to take her to the grocery store and show her how food and cooking and meals work. I get to play outside with her. I get to go to the library with her and take her to story time. I get to take her to swimming lessons. I get to watch her learn and grow and play and interact and observe. I get to hold her when she falls down and cries. I get to teach her songs and have dance parties. I get to set up forts under our kitchen table on rainy days. I get to teach her how to be nice to Leia. I get to teach her how to be nice to mommy. I get to take her to the zoo (all the time) and practice her animal sounds. I get to watch her do many "firsts". I get to teach her songs and even some sign language. I get to rock her to sleep and read her books at night time. I get to give her a bath and put her to bed at night.
Gosh, there are so many things that I am leaving out, but those are the things that "just a mama" gets to do. There has been a time in my life when I experienced great loss, and all I wanted to be was a mama. Just a mama.
And now I am. I hope I get to be a mama to a litter of baby Schoenthaler's because this has been the best job I've ever had. The greatest joy I've ever known.
I hope that whenever I'm in a room full of beautiful, successful, accomplished women again, that I can proudly say, "I'm a mama!" No just about it.
Thank you, Lucy, for giving me the most precious job in the world. Thank you, Jamie, for letting me stay home and have the best job in the world. Thank you, Jesus, for trusting me with the most important job in the world. To take care of one of Your own.
I love being a mama.
"Train up a child in the way he should go. Even when he is old he will not depart from it." Proverbs 22:6.
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