My Season of Loneliness

A Time for Everything

There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens:

a time to be born and a time to die,

a time to plant and time to uproot,

a time to kill and a time to heal,

a time to tear down and a time to build,

a time to weep and a time to laugh,

a time to mourn and time to dance,

a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,

a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,

a time to search and a time to give up,

a time to keep and a time to throw away,

a time to tear and a time to mend,

a time to be silent and a time to speak,

a time to love and a time to hate,

a time for war and time for peace. 

-Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

I think the writer of Ecclesiastes forgot that there is a time for friends and a time for loneliness. Because that's kind of where I am right now. The recent season in my life has been a season on loneliness and this season has lasted longer than I've wanted. 

Ever since we've moved to Lafayette, I've felt a deep feeling of being alone, but as I've grown wiser (Lord, I hope I've grown wiser!), and the more I've prayed about my time of feeling lonely, I've come to the realization that this is a season in my life of building and embracing and being silent. 

My whole life, I've always had a ton of friends, and rarely have I struggled to find a buddy. My mom said that when I was in pre school, she'd drop me off and I'd go running to a table and immediately be welcomed with friends. She said I was always surrounded by a posse of girlfriends. 

In high school, I was on pom and had friends in many different circles. We had sleepovers and shopping trips and fun nights at football games, homecoming and prom! 

In college, I had friends in Chi Omega (hooty hoo!!!) and in my classes. We spent our evenings staying up late, chatting about life, love and other mysteries. 

When Jamie and I moved to Memphis, I certainly had a short moment of loneliness where I didn't know anyone, but I quickly made a bunch of friends at church who were in the same walk of life as me and Jamie. But since we've moved to Lafayette, all of that came to a drastic halt! 

Jamie and I have yet to find a church that we really like and feel like home in. That is a huge problem in the friends department, because at mine and Jamie's stage in life, that is where you really meet friends. Church. The ladies I used to work with are either six years my junior or my parents' age. Nothing wrong with that, and I love them all dearly and certainly consider them all friends, but there's just something to be said about walking life with people who are your age, going through the same things in life. 

I lead a bible study for college age girls, and I LOVE YOU ALL DEARLY but none of them are young marrieds with a kid. That makes a huge difference in conversation and "doing life" with someone. 

I just miss that. I miss being around people who get me and know me. Who understand me. Who can relate to marital situations. Who totally get it when I have a mama struggle. I miss my friends, y'all! 

But I've come to the realization as I've said earlier that this is a season in my life to build, to embrace and to be silent, as scripture says. 

This is a time where I need to build myself up spiritually. Since we have yet to find a good church home here, I have been very resourceful in finding good teaching elsewhere. I listen to David Platt (The Church at Brook Hills), Craig Groeschel (Life Church), and Matt Chandler (The Village Church) on a weekly basis and have been rocked spiritually! The Lord has used their teachings to guide me in such a way that I have never experienced. It's amazing how much you can learn from a podcast while on a walk! I also spent the past 9 weeks in a fabulous inductive Bible study on Jeremiah at Trinity Bible Church. The teaching was fabulous and I learned so much about the beauty of God's love and wrath and grace and goodness. Good good stuff! So this is a definite time to build. 

This is also a time where I need to be still and embrace my time here in Lafayette. Maybe the Lord hasn't introduced me to a bundle of friends here because I need to be pouring into my ministry within Young Life. I have developed such a great friendship with these college girls, and I know if I had the distraction of close, personal friends, then I would not be able to do my job effectively. I love what I'm doing with the UL crowd and am thankful the Lord put them in my life! 

I am also in a season of being silent. Just being quiet and still and listening to what God has to teach me. Back in March of 2012, I went through a mighty low as I vaguely mentioned here. As tough as it was to be alone during that time, it was so good for me to truly lean directly on the Lord and no one else, because only He could have lifted me from that valley. I praise you, Jesus, for bringing me up from that low!

As tough as this season is at times, I know that the Lord is growing me and teaching me and leading me to be stronger woman in Him. I will have good friends in my same city one day. I'm not worried about that. I just need to stay strong now and embrace this time to build and be silent, knowing that I will have time of laughter, and dancing, and loving once again!

But until then, here are a few pictures of some of the people I love and miss incredibly:

The amazing thing is I've been so blessed over the past almost 27 years that all the people I know and love couldn't possibly fit on a single blog post! There are countless people who I love and they love me back! I have to remind myself that I do have friends. I am loved. It makes visiting home that much more special when I can surround myself with those that I love and miss incredibly!

So don't think I'm an Eeyore here, all sad and forlorn, because I'm not. I'm happy. I'm joyful. I'm fulfilled. I am just in a season of being silent and alone and I think that's okay, because God put me here.

Thank you, Jesus, for friends and for your perfect timing in my life. Thank you for seasons. Thank you for fulfilling loneliness. I love you, Jesus. So very much.

And I love you guys!